I can come home now. After only four days in Belgium, I got exactly what I wanted. I expected it to happen three years ago when I went to Australia. And I thought it might kick in afterwards when I moved to Eugene. But it didn’t happen until this trip. This random excursion I knew I had to take.
I found discipline.
I’ve become serious with my writing. Not in the mind, not in the dream talk or the brainstorming, not even in the conscious planning—all of that was already there. In the practice. It’s 1:30 a.m. right now and I’m so excited about the transformation that I had to turn on the light and punch this out.
What’s weird is that all of my projects are liberal arts related. But the process has been a lot like the way I handle Math. I can’t remember if it was Ms. Harding my 10th grade teacher, or Mrs. White, my 11th grade Math teacher that said it first. Either one, it was the same story. I struggled with Math, even though I was in the advanced classes. It was just flat out hard and I hated it. Teachers being teachers, they saw it. She said, “Jennifer, you don’t get it at first, but after a while you do. It’s like a lightbulb goes on inside your head, and then you just get it. I can see it when it happens.”
She was right. And that is exactly how it feels right now.
So, what happened?
What happened is I’ve gotten off to a terrific start and there is no pull to do it any different like there usually is. I get up, take care of my responsibilities here for an hour or two, check my email, do a blog post if I don’t already have one ready from the night before, then I go out. Today was a good example, I went to Cafe Pain and read hard copy submissions to Panties. I came home, did some work on the computer—actual paying writing projects—handled more Belgium kid responsibilities and then turned down going to a movie to finish the work I still had left. Then I stayed up and wrote, and ended the night by reading an author whose style I’m studying.
Simple, everyday, life of a writer stuff.
It’s a routine. I’ve done similar things before, but here’s the difference—I can’t wait to do it again tomorrow. Wanting to, instead of just knowing what needs to be done and feeling like I should do it. It’s a feeling I haven’t had before.
Internal motivation, huh? Now I know. So, am I going to come home? No way. Not yet.
The light is on. I got serious abuot writing, and more importantly about me. Go ahead and turn on the monitor to see if it sticks. I dare you. I double dog dare you. You can even send over a man, the ultimate test. The light is on, I’m going to pass the test.
2:06, over and out.
PS-Earlier this year I filled out one of Rolf’s interview Q&A’s. One of them was “What do you consider your first “break” as a travel writer?” I had put something about getting “Chinese Like Me” in A Woman’s Passion for Travel. This is much bigger. And it has nothing to do with a byline. Imagine that.
Know what you mean. Same thing happened to me when I lost weight.
Maybe it’s the cold, maybe it’s the great eats and beer, maybe you have just cleared enough of your old life away to be able to do it, but the time has come – and that you recognized it is huge. I remember being pregnant with my 2nd child and worried that I wouldn’t know when I went into labor – which was silly, I had been in labor before and there is no mistaking it. But I had this serious concern. And when it finally did come, I was so relieved to be able to recognize it and put away all the other fears and doubts. Sounds like you found it, you are happy about, and you know what to do about it. Keep up the good work!!!
love s
Thanks for the kind words. And nice to hear from a new person. Who knows what it is. Not the beer, I’ve only had three in five nights. Or is it six now? Leffe, something else, and Chimay. Food? I don’t know, I’m still learning to order in French so ending up with cheap things that leave me wanting more. But I’m too much of a cheapskate to order what I really want because I don’t want to set a precedent so early in the trip. You know me, spoil me from the get go and I’m going to keep wanting it. 🙂
Not the cold because the house is heated and outside hasn’t been too bad. I walked 5-6 miles in one day this weekend.
I think it’s one part time management, two parts fast internet connection (I spent so much time in Eugene on slow ass dial up and I never got stuff done fast enough),
and three parts just being ready.
There’s stuff I want to do when I get back, and the stuff I’m doing here needs to be out of the way first.
But yes Susan, I think it’s clearing the plate. And no author events, or catching up nights, or cheap movies, or meetings.
Wait! I know what it is. The coffee. It’s so strong. If you have a Venti of this stuff you’d keel over. Holy crap I’ve turned into an espresso drinker. 🙂
Jen:
What a great post. I’m not where you are (yet), but it’s nice to know this happens. Such an inspiring read for a new writer in a bit of a slump! Thanks for pounding this one out.