I’m exhausted.
I need a laptop. I need an assistant. If a genie were to grant me one, but only one of these two things, I’m not sure which I’d pick. I could help more people with an assistant, but I could help myself more with a lap top.
I’m drinking my coffee with less and less sugar. Two years ago I didn’t even drink coffee.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m cut out for employment. I think I’d do better at applying high energy on short term projects. Days when I’m not excited are harder than days when I have lots of work.
Once I knew a guy who liked me, hadn’t met me, but liked me and acted like he’d move boulders for me. One scenario we talked about, (he was fairly well to do), was what I’d do if I didn’t have to work. He asked me with a hint of suggestion that he could give that to me. I spoke about writing and learning languages, but I was not bashful in telling him about my social calendar and the lunches that I would be having with friends, colleagues, etc. He didn’t bat an eye.
My fantasies are more complex now.
United sent me my Mileage Plus card yesterday. Last night I cooked to relax. A big shephard’s pie (Leo style with sausage instead of hamburger). And then I worked. I wanted to write a story that was singe-ing a patch of hair behind my right ear, but instead I worked on a namebuilding project. I remember I owe you Name-building Part II.
I need more time. Yesterday I voted on which ambassadors I wanted to to be sent on the first Back Pack Nation trip. Their resumes were thoroughly humbling. And just when I was thinking that I haven’t done nearly as much for other people as I could, I got an email from a WR fan who has been using this site and was working on a name-building project and needed a small bit of info. That felt nice and I set out at finding what she needed because I was only 99.7% sure of my answer and too tired to trust myself.
I’ll take that assistant now.
Eleanor Roosevelt says “You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”
Winston Churchill says, “Never, never, never give up.”
I say “Some days are more simple than others.”
Put them all together and you’ve got a great attitude that will last.
Have a good day.
Hang in there! We’re all rooting for you. Remember you don’t have to do it all, or do it all at once.
Thanks Amy. I guess I’m just feeling pressure because people keep asking me what I’m going to do. And I feel like I’m already doing a lot. AND moving forward. Just not financially. So daydreams of sugar daddies pop up now and again while I put up with my family who are happy that I’m sitting at a desk, regardless of whether or not I’m happy, and those friends that know I’m happy, up in arms because I barely make ends meet.
The two will sides will meet soon, I’m sure of it.
But I appreciate your support and I hope I get to see you next Wednesday night at the WWW Salon.
i took the day off as i think i’m not made to do routine work either. i am learning that teaching is certainly not a short-term project. i had a strange encounter today while i waited for a light to change green. i was in a daze and enjoying the sunshine against my shoulders when a well-to-do dressed man walking hand-n-hand with his similarly dressed girlfriend looked at me, then pointed up,”Haight?” he asked. “yes,” i responded, “you are going the right direction.” he frowned. “no..you. is that where you are headed? are you one of those lost ones?” i frowned back. “no” i replied, a bit defensive as if i was trying to outprove i wasn’t one of those hardcore hippie-types. after i crossed the street (whilst intentionally pacing my step to pass them), i wondered why i was bothered by his comment. i’m beginning to wonder if i am among the lost ones without even realizing it. this is how others see me? though most of the time, i’d rather be lost.
Sabrina, thanks so much for sharing your story. I can’t believe the nerve of that man. But yes, I’m learning more and more (as if I didn’t already know) that presentation is important. How people perceive us is often different from how we perceive ourselves.
I get crap all the time about how many things I’m doing (projects, where I spend my time) and it annoys the hell out of me. But here’s the thing, I’m the one that opened my mouth about it. Whether I voiced panic about needing to get something done, being late on a project, or even exclaiming excitement over yet another thing I’m working on. When people hear this, they get exhausted. They think this is me, when it is really only one part.
Recently I found out that one of my best friends juggles even more projects than I do. Here’s the catch, he never tells people what he’s working on. Not his family, not his friends. He tells them once a project as actualized itself to success, but he rarely tells us about the ones he’s working on in the meantime. I took this to heart. And started to think about how I present myself to my friends.
Sometimes it’s symantics. Sometimes it’s lipstick.
There are ways of expressing ourselves so that outsiders see who we feel we are on the inside.
And as for you, if you are being true to yourself, no matter what you’re wearing or what street you’re on — you are definitely “found,” or more so, sound.
All best.